Writing Prompts #2 a & b

2a) What’s the last line you wrote, the last time you wrote? (Not including prompts)

2b) Same challenge as yesterday, this time with a COMEDIC/FARCICAL tone.

Here’s the prompt: Write a scene starter, no more than 300 words, that starts with: “A (wo)man walked up to the bar.” Any genre, focus on a particular element and really work it – character, plot, setting, dialogue, milieu (world creation). Rock it.

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Here’s mine:

2a) The tea she offered him was lukewarm, as if it too had been waiting on Silmande for some time.

2b) (note: I hate trying to write comedy besides witty one-liners, so, this is likely to stink, but, here’s an attempt!)

A woman walked up to the bar in Glug Glug’s. All right, she sort of sidled up to it. Can one really sidle when one only has one leg and a wooden peg where the other belongs? Okay, so she sort of hop-hobbled, but damn if she wasn’t the most graceful semi-mobile biped he’d ever seen.

Or…at least seen for a week. Who could say. He’d been sober for a grand total of…wait, what day was it? Huh. Maybe he hadn’t been sober. Maybe if he were sober ole peg-leg wouldn’t have looked so good.

Then again, maybe she would have. Was he partial to wooden limbs? He wracked his brain, trying to remember. Huh. Whelp, she was the only one in the place who didn’t have scales or smell like the inside of his mouth after a three day binge tour of the galactic bar circuit, so hey, prime meat she was!

He did a little sidling himself, angling for her coordinates. The thing that rammed his side might have been a table he lurched into, or kidney failure, he couldn’t rightly say, and did it really matter, in the end?

He finally caught up to where she had been standing, if a little unsteadily, at the bar. “Whatcha frinking, little thing?” He smiled crookedly at her, or perhaps his teeth were crooked, he couldn’t remember the difference at the moment.

She eyed him, then spat out, “Whatever you’re not frinking.”

“Whelp, that’ll be tough, think I’ve tried ‘em all. Um, ‘cept Glug Glug’s dishwater out back, though, I’m game if you are.”

He impressed himself with the novelty of his suggestion. A girl liked an adventurous man, afterall, didn’t they?